More Word Vomit from an ACON

So this Narc mom drama has been much on my mind still. She’s still making my sister’s brain spin in angry, sad circles. I still struggle daily with remnants of habits learned in my childhood. I’m learning to be a little more forgiving with myself, while also trying to change the habits before I pass them on to my poor kids. I’m not really sure where to start today, so let’s do it like this:

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/little-old-man-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/
About the blog author’s very broken dad, and a little bit about her struggle with realizing that she doesn’t love him. The comments are important, too. Have I mentioned it’s nice to know there are people that get it?

Anyway, I don’t know if I love my mom. I don’t know if I’d be sad if she died right now. In fact she lives in a place that is currently experiences some rather dramatic natural disasters, and my mother-in-law asked me if my mom was being affected. I had to go look for information and compare maps and stuff. I really didn’t know. I really didn’t care. I didn’t even remember that she was in the general vicinity! In fact, I only went in search of the info because I figured it would be easier to just say, “No she’s fine” than explain why I don’t know/care to anyone else who might ask me.

Also, that moment described in the blog post “I heard you the first time”… that’s a very familiar scene. I probably experienced something similar hundreds of times, and unfortunately I have done it to my kids more than once. Boo!

 

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/little-bird-before-narcissistic-personality-disorder-hurt/#comments
The squishy life of a child of a narcissist…  I never had the experience of being the center of my mother’s universe. Even in pictures from when I was a baby she has this look of disinterest. All the stories she tells about my infancy/early childhood are not nice. Some of them even seem like they should be neutral (like how big a baby I was at birth, normal stuff) but were always exaggerated and told in such a way to make me feel bad for putting my mom through that (“10 hours of labor for a 10 pound baby! Like a turkey, she was a butterball.” I wasn’t a ten pound baby, but I *was* a child/young adult with body image issues. When my grandmother died, my cousins and I went through her photos and found two things I kept- my birth announcement written in my mom’s hand stating just how NOT ten pounds I was, and also a picture of my mom at her wedding that was the ONLY wedding photo I’d ever seen of her smiling)

I don’t remember much from my childhood, good or bad. I remember snippets, mostly neutral-neither scary nor safe. I didn’t really realize how murky and undefined my memories were until a friend died in January. Our families were close, like super close. My sister and I flew up, and we spent a lot of time grieving with our friend’s family as if we were their kids, too. Reminiscing and recalling stories. I had the hardest time as they were bringing things up I have (still, to this day!) no recollection of. None. It was good stuff, safe stuff. Spending time with my friends stuff and I don’t have it. In fact, I wrote a eulogy for my friend’s funeral service and some of the memories I had to ‘steal’ so I could fill in some blanks. That’s not to say I wasn’t sad (I was devastated) and I didn’t miss her (it’s still crazy that she’s not here anymore) and I didn’t love her (she was like my little sister for over half of my childhood). I just don’t remember specific stuff.

I have a problem being “present” in my life, experiencing the current moment and focusing on living it instead of being distracted by the past/future/internet/etc. I think I had this problem in childhood, too.

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/decision-making-skills-ant-farm/
I’ve actually had a very smart friend whom I respect and is part of my reality filter (the one I’ve had to create because I don’t trust anything about my decisions and motivations, it involves my husband and a few close friends who understand the mama drama) tell me that while I am incredibly intelligent, I am shit at making important life decisions. Like what I want to be when I grow up. Or even what I want to accomplish in general. Now before you get mad at my friend, I assure you this was said in a very safe, respectful, helpful way–trying to get me to understand that I *am* actually a smart person.

This post also reminds me of something a therapist told me once. I went to this therapist when my first son was one, because being a mom really messed up my whole “my mom did the best she could with what she had at the time” zen forgiveness mindset. I asked her when I get to stop blaming my mom for my problems and she told me “When you realize that’s  where the problem comes from. After that it’s your responsibility to do something with it.”

Right now my goals in life all revolve around NOT screwing my kids up too much. Finding healthy ways for me to let off steam and working on my lacking self-care habits (total ACON thing, I hear) really do stem from the idea that I want my kids to be healthy and functional people instead of sharing my mom’s drama with them.

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/adult-children-of-narcissists-and-opinions/
Ah, trusting. Lots of people are broken when it comes to trust. And without minimizing any of their experiences or pain, because they’re theirs and they’re real and they’re important, I have to say an ACON’s trust issues are little twisted. Extra twisted or different twisted or something. Many people can relate to a “I can’t trust anyone but myself” mentality. It seems most ACONs can’t trust themselves either. We were raised to believe our opinions were invalid unless they supported our Narc parent. Ours weren’t worthy of attention otherwise. We were raised to question our very own inner voice when it was talking to us ABOUT OURSELVES. I never, ever, EVER trust my personal motivations/reasons/drive. Remember that reality filter of friends I mentioned up there? Yeah, they’re the ones I talk to endlessly when I have to decide something and don’t trust my decision. Awesome.

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/yellow-color-narcissism/
Being raised by a Narc leaves you blank, or empty, or beige. Depends on which ACON you ask, but the experience is similar. We were there to reflect our parent and be filled up by whatever THEY thought was important/worthwhile/special. When it comes time to be our own person we don’t really know how to do it. I don’t know what my hobbies and favorite past times are. And any time I name one, it somehow manages to stop holding my interest. In some cases I can actually see that it’s not my interest that has waned but the pressure to “be” something… a writer, a scrapbooker, a nature-lover, whatever just was no longer worth the pursuit.

Again, I struggle with letting my kids show off their own colors. I see it and am working on seeing it in action and stopping it/changing it in practice. My kids are awesome, BTW. Really freaking cute, and crazy smart and interested in so much. They drive me nuts because I am always tired and have no patience, but I am working on appreciating them more and showing them that.

 

It has helped SO MUCH to learn that as an ACON I have some Narc habits because it’s what I learned, not because I’m a Narc myself. I’ve always known I don’t have a good mental model, a pleasant/useful default mom-mode because my mom was not a good mom. It’s hard to change, but at least I *can* and hopefully change the pattern for my kiddoes.

Things that help:
Reading blogs that are kinda the anti-mommy blog model
http://jjkeith.net/blog/

http://justyourtypicalmom.tumblr.com/

http://www.modernmom.com/article/killing-off-supermom?fb_ref=like&fb_source=profile_oneline

http://allaboutnan.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/supermom-syndrome/

http://momastery.com/blog/2013/09/13/5938/

It’s nice to remember that nobody has their shit together, and if they tell you they do they are big, fat LIARS. Yes, SOME moms have a different, gorgeous hairstyle every day. Some moms throw amazing, detailed parties, and some moms make all their own jam. Some moms make their kids’ clothes and some moms are able to workout regularly without losing their marbles. Some moms have a nice clean house and their laundry is under control. BUT not all those things. In one woman, that’s nuts. Somehow we seem to be under the impression that we can and should be able to “do it all” because we look at everyone’s FaceBook highlights and forget that they aren’t sharing the other 90% of their lives. We have already established that I am no good with personal pressure. I like real people who are flawed and forgiving and loving.

speaking of forgiving, loving, and being patient with oneself: http://tinybuddha.com/

Also, there’s a website called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers that I have found really helpful. There is even a mailing list where you receive notes from your “Inner Mother”- little affirmations your own Narc mom *should* have been telling as a kid but didn’t. I kinda thought it would be totally corny, and it sometimes kinda is, but I signed up because I realize I have no natural context for that kind of language but I need to learn it (like a foreign language) if I’m going to be a better mom for my kids. It’s still not natural, but I have reminders every two days and examples and I even used it a few times in my son’s lunchbox notes.

Finally, I have learned that if you tell a therapist that your parent is a Narcissist, it helps tremendously. You can have one conversation and gauge whether the therapist gets that, because if he does his entire approach changes a bit away from trying to help you improve your relationship with the Narc to trying to help you heal without it, or in spite of it if you maintain contact. Also you don’t have to spend countless sessions explaining why your mom is crazy and how, you can say “My mom’s a Narc, it’s effed me up in various ways I am still working out. I need help with how to deal with my impatience and anger without making it my kids’ fault” or whatever. Help trying to figure out how to trust my instincts. Help figuring out what my passions are. Etc. Etc.

Who has two thumbs and a narcissistic mother…?

This gal!! 

So I recently e-stumbled across the blog of another adult child of a narcissist (ACON) and was reminded how amazing it is when someone else GETS IT. Like, for real gets it. Because when your parent is *literally* fucking incapable of giving a shit about your relationship, most people are not able to wrap their heads around that. Nope, talking to her won’t fix it, she doesn’t need a second (really, a four hundred and second) chance to understand where I am coming from, I don’t need to use therapy phrases about what *I need* and how *I feel* because in a narcissist’s mind there is no *other*. We are all just pawns in their story-game. Yes, even their children. Even their parents and grandparents, and grand kids. For my mom especially, it’s all about how she can spin a situation to martyr herself in someone’s else’s eyes.

How much pity can she collect (while appearing not to want pity) because her kids don’t talk to her? Let me tell you, when she calls people asking if we’re alright, saying she’s worried about our health or safety because our abusive husbands won’t let us talk to her and are turning us against her, keeping her from knowing that her daughters and grandsons are safe… it’s a lot of pity. A lot of “Oh you’re so strong, that is so terrible, how DO you handle that?” pity. And then a lot of people who think they know what’s going on suddenly nose into our lives with their concern that we are being controlled and manipulated, and that we just need to love our mother and understand her concern…. We call these people flying monkeys. 

My sister and I have done a job trying NOT to drag outsiders in, even when our mom has. We don’t answer their erroneous concern with much more than “There is far more to it than you know, kindly mind your business.” It’s getting harder, now that my sister has finally understood more fully the extent of our mom’s particular brand of crazy sauce and in response limited her contact. I limited contact a long time ago, with occasional periods of no contact. Actually switch that–I usually don’t talk to her (email, FB, etc) at all. When I try, I just get burned. Over and over. Anyway I am half-considering an open letter on FaceBook at this point to ask my family/friends not to talk to her about me should she come calling, and to assure them that Hubby is not controlling or abusive and all lack of contact is my own decision for the mental well-being of me and my kids. 

I could keep going. But I’ll leave that there for now. 

Here’s the blog I found, along with some personal responses dredged up by finding a little “community”

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/how-to-be-an-adult-child-of-a-narcissist/

I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!! While I’ve known about Narcissism and that it’s my mom’s issue for years now, there is still so much I haven’t put together. For me growing up, it was pretty much fact that you can not be whatever you want. Dreams/Goals/Wishes are pointless because you will ultimately end up a nameless, faceless worker bee doing something really unimportant, unappreciated, and not very well paid. This may be why I have a degree I’ve used all of NEVER in ten years and “by trade” I’m a receptionist. Shoot me. 

Intimacy? Loveability? Also lies, if people know the truth about me they will hate my guts. Check. [I remember being constantly amazed by unprompted shows of affection from my friend’s parents… like really? That’s a thing? But, but, they talk to me all the time, they must not be paying close attention.]

Narc traits? Yep. I struggle daily with how my behavior(or anger…?) seems to be aimed toward making my kids feel always wrong. It sucks. I’m trying. It sucks.

I don’t know about being able to pick out another Narc in the general population, but I haven’t really thought about it. I guess, yeah, I have seen people with whom I just stopped interacting altogether because it’s effing pointless and frustrating and so not worth my energy. I do know that close friends have pointed out that it’s clear I want everyone to like me. It doesn’t seem I do it by Narc means, so that’s good, but I always do assume I am starting from a position of having to prove I’m good people. 

OK Next one: 

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/my-inner-child-needs-a-time-out/

Expert at nothing? Yep. Even though many would disagree about that in some areas, it always baffles me completely that anyone might think I  know anything about anything. But when they do think that, I have to run with it because I can’t let them down… then they might not like me.

It’s funny, I was always in trouble as a kid for DUMB shit. I was grounded once for two weeks because someone stole my bike. Let me be clear, it was not me and the bike was on my front porch (not like, left at the park or something), but I was still grounded. It didn’t occur to me until I read that post up there that this is exactly why I *always* think Hubby is mad at me for something–even when he is only “upset” (read: not his usual animated self) because he’s wiped out tired or having a rough week at work. I am convinced all the time that I’ve done something to piss him off, (this made for a REALLY stable early marriage, let me just say).

On the flip side, I take the independent realizations far sometimes (“I am a grown ass woman and I do NOT want to clean the fucking kitchen. So screw it. I will take a nap instead. Fuck that pile of dishes right in the face.”) 

Then this one: 

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/dont-listen-to-me-i-have-no-idea-what-im-talking-about/

I have a whole host of “hobbies” that I get into and then quit cold turkey because suddenly I’ve put all this pressure on myself to “be” something. And committing to being something is apparently bad for my brain. Still don’t have that one quite worked out. 

And finally (for now) this: 

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/fuck-you-stuart-smalley/

My mom, the dream killer, would brag the shit out my sister and I: my amazing grades, her athletic skills, my volunteerism, her singing. If anyone around would chalk that up to her amazing and supportive parental nurturing talents she was soak that shit up with a towel and wring it out over her head to revel in it some more. But when no body was looking? Sports are pointless (now we’re both fat asses, figures. that bitch), entertaining professionally is less than one-in-million and thus stupid as a pipe-dream even, she bitched every time she took me to my (monthly) animal shelter club meetings, and she had no idea what kind of classes I was taking (charter high school, so learning was very self-directed) nor did she care. Bonus: if we ever expressed interest in something outside of these neat little display boxes she had us in (like the two years I played softball, or the other two I swing-danced, or the years I sang in the school [garage] band, took guitar lessons, did theater, etc. etc.) We were even more actively sabotaged or otherwise completely ignored in these pursuits. Case in point: Sis played basketball three years and we were at every game and Sis never missed practice even if it meant my mom had to drive the carpool that day (though BOY did we hear the bitching about that when everyone was gone). I played softball two years. If I couldn’t catch a ride with my friend (who had 6 siblings, so seat belts were at a premium) I couldn’t make it to that practice or game. My family only came to one game and mom didn’t even pretend to care while she was there. You can probably tell my sister was the golden child (a common phenomena in a Narc’s house) although there were plenty of things screwed up for her, too. I’m just less familiar with those. 

Alright, I dunno what to say at the end here, except that it feels helpful to put it out there and process some shit. Without committing to anything I’ll say I will probably do more as more comes up, either from the Rubber Shoes blog, or other research, or real time IRL drama 🙂 

Peace Out
-Wifey

Neat Trick: a mommy PSA

Um, did you know that skinny pretzel sticks are the PERFECT size for threading Cheerio-like cereal onto? Yeah. Me too.

Suddenly snack time for Bean is way more interesting and less screamy.

In case you need elaboration: these super skinny pretzels are from Cost Plus World Market where you get a VW-sized bag for, like, six bucks or something.

You’re welcome.
-W

Um, hi

So it hasn’t been NEARLY as long as I thought since I’ve written but still, too long. My bad.

Bean was born, and at almost exactly the same time (4 days later, actually) Tike started swim lessons and soccer practice. Then preschool at a parent co-op [at which I have to work in the classroom 3 or 4 days per month, manage their Scholastic book orders, attend meetings and trainings, read ‘homework’, clean the school, maintian the grounds… you know. The usual.]. And my mom’s group (for which I am on the leadership team) was notified that we had to move churches ASAP before this new year started, and then, you know, the new year started.

This is what I felt like for at least a month

I was going to a nursing support group at the hospital because Bean and I had breastfeeding issues, but I had to stop attending due to preschool schedule. I belonged to a spiritual discussion group that was GREAT and I LOVED, but I had to bow out because I just had too much going on and was having a break down and seriously struggling with how mothers with more than one child get ANYTHING done EVER. Like seriously, I am still catching up on laundry from the week Bean was born (over two months ago). There were a few weeks that I swear I only showered once or twice. Ew.

Did I mention I [foolishly] accepted a work-from-home part-time job weeks before my due date. And no, my client was not informed I was pregnant. Yeah, won’t be doing that again.

So anyhoodles, I scrambled and cried and drank lots of coffee and finally my life seems to be back in some sort of manageable groove and I am even able to get things done again. It really REALLY helps that Bean is a fantastic sleeper. Cause this momma is one irritable, useless, lady when she hasn’t slept.

So a lot has happened, even pre-Bean that I haven’t written about, that I think I will try catching up on here in the upcoming weeks. A sneak-preview:

-I love Pinterest and I’ll tell you why.
-Tike’s FANTASTIC 4th  Birthday.
-Tike is a MythBuster; let’s discuss.
-I’ve been inspired to streamline my life, here’s why, here’s how.
-I was right about those eucalyptus trees, hooray!
-The situation with our pets.
-More on Caring Meals from a lucky recipient.

But for now I will leave you with this:

My New Plan- how i got it together

Hubby bought me a planner of my choosing. It was way more expensive than I would have liked, but that’s because I’m a cheapskate. And it was totally worth it. I started with this idea:

inspiration

Which I loved because my to-do list was rather fluid and my plan for each day had to be pretty dynamic. I would start a day with the best of intentions and then get lost in everything that was left to do, and how much I couldn’t do with a newborn who needs me… and then worry about not remembering to back around to something, forgetting priorities, getting sidetracked by unfinished projects I came across… I was a mess. Post-it note To-Do list was great, I hate scratched out, eraser-blurred, arrows-pointing here and there. But I needed something a bit more concrete, so I put it in this planner which has monthly and weekly views, dinner planning spaces, a spot for goals, errands, you name it. I color-coded my stickies to reflect what area of life something was for: work, pre-school, moms group, house/family errands, etc. This way I could see at a glance if it looked a little thin in some color and make sure I wasn’t forgetting something. Anything at SET times (soccer games, school work days, doctors appts) gets written onto the planner page.

Then at the end of each day, I can flip sideways any items I’ve completed, and move any incomplete items to another available day. This has helped TREMENDOUSLY. So obviously I have time to blog now. And take up sewing, but that’s another story for another day 😉

Later, gators!
-Wifey

Blog Love

I feel the LOVE! Aww, Hooray, and what fun to pass it on. Here I go…

1. Thank the person who nominated you.
Thank you, thank you to Jenna over at We’re Jumpin’, so, so sweet to think of little ol’ me for some blog love. Grazie!

2. Share seven random facts about yourself.
~I love the beach, especially the treesy, windy, grayish ones.
~My favorite breakfast is french toast.
~I like taking on more than I should, it’s when I feel most productive.
~I think JK Rowling is a genius.
~I’m almost positive I will be getting two eucalyptus trees put into my backyard.
~My new love is a website called Pinterest.
~I want three new dogs and a bunny or two for cuddling, then I remember I will have a new baby for that VERY soon…

3. Pass the award along to 15 deserving blog buddies.
1 ErroneousSupposition’s Blog
2 Make It Happen Mama
3 Dumpster Dame
4 Young House Love
5 Frilly Details
6 Laura Thoughts 
7 Delia Creates
8 Show Tell Share 
9 HomeSpun Threads
10 Curiously Crafty
11 Lil Mop Top
12 Sweet and Lovely Things 
13 Simply Made
14 It Happened Like This 
15 Cleverly Inspired 

WOOHOO! I hit 15! You can tell what I like to do in my spare time? These bloggers are crafty, clever, and brilliant… so go check them out 🙂

4. Contact those bloggers to congratulate them. [On my way!!]

Fruity Blondes

Once upon a time, I had a couple overripe bananas and absolutely no motivation to make banana bread. A FaceBook friend serendipitously posted a link that same day to an article: 100 things to do with bananas besides bread. Amazing. I browsed and perused and stumbled upon this gem on a cooking blog called Macheesmo. Chocolate, banana, and cranberry blondies.

Chocolate, Banana, Cranberry Blondies: Macheesmo

In case you are unfamiliar, blondies are similar to brownies, except instead of being chocolate-based, they are caramel based (butter and brown sugar, need I say more?). Hubby can not eat chocolate, it gives him migraines, the poor, deprived wanker. So brownies are a rare treat around here. Actually anything that involves ME baking is a rare treat, but I digress.

Since I don’t know how I feel about fruity baked goods, I decided to tweak these for Hubby. Obviously the chocolate chips were out. But I had opened a can of peaches at snack time and still had maybe half of it left. So the tweaks are as follows:

**You definitely don’t have to double-boiler the caramel like his post says, you can just nuke it or heat over low– go slow if you’re new at this**
Sub 1/2 cup butter for 1/2 cup peach can juice
omit chocolate, and use chopped up peach bits (up to half the can’s worth)
also, I never have unsalted butter, so I used regular salted butter and did away with the pinch of salt the original recipe calls for.

Mr. Macheesmo prefers his blondies still soft and gooey in the center, but Hubby does not, so I opted for the 40 minute bake time. So altogether, here is what my tweaked recipe gets me:

Fruity Blondes a la ME!

Fruity Blondes, and gold stars at home from Hubby and Tike. 🙂

Enjoy!!
~Wifey

Random Product Review

Why? Because I just cleaned my bathroom, inducing a few random contractions and some sheer exhaustion. So I am going to sit here and catch my breath a minute. Cleaning is house-wifey, gold star.

Product: KABOOM Foam-Tastic

Introducing newest innovation from Kaboom®. With color-changing technology, Kaboom® Foam-Tastic™ sprays on a blue foam and begins to penetrate deeply into bathroom grime. When it turns white, you can be sure the surface is clean. No more guesswork. Just wipe away to reveal a deep clean and a sparkling shine – with absolutely no dull residue left behind. Will not stain surfaces and leaves a fresh citrus scent.

So this is the second time I have used this product on my shower. We have the original Kaboom, which works really well on tough spots but you have to contend with the INCREDIBLY strong chemical smell, and you also have to literally put your back, arms, whole body weight into the scrubbing. So I rarely used it.

This new version is modeled after Scrubbing Bubbles, which I love, so I thought this combo was worth a  look. Well, here’s what I think:

1- The blue foam turns white after so much air contact, it seems. There is no “clean” underneath without some scrubbing. My shower is a textured insert, and I had to bust out a scrub brush to get the crannies. There was no “just wipe away”, even on the few smooth surfaces. It takes less effort to scrub than original KABOOM. It takes more effort than Scrubbing Bubbles, which truly is ‘wipe away’ in the majority of my experience.

2- Strong cleanser smell, I was surprised they call it citrus. Still not as strong as original KABOOM.

3-The very vivid blue has NOT stained anything yet, and is kinda pretty.

RECAP- Decent product, but not at all impressive. Why? Scrubbing Bubbles did it first, by a long shot. And does it better.

Review complete.

Summer Haiku

nothing better than
a juicy peach and iced tea
this hot summer day

Caring Meals 1- pizza!

First some tips I have to start.

1) Unless you know a new mom is NOT going to breastfeed (and I do NOT suggest asking unless you are close to her) then avoid foods that carry strong flavors (spicy hot, garlicky, oniony, fishy, etc.)

2) It’s also a good idea to have someone close to the patient/new mom ask about family dietary restrictions. I, for one, would hate to put all this care, thought and planning into a delicious and creative meal the family couldn’t actually eat. In our mom’s group, the mom taking the lead to set up the delivery plan also shares if there is anything important like that to keep in mind.

3) Buy those bake-n-toss pans (recycle, actually!) so nobody has to worry about washing dishes and keeping track of people’s crockery. I am not a huge fan of disposable living, but in this case I think it’s far kinder. Especially if the pans (and other dishes) are recyclable or reusable by the family- leave a note with the meal that they need not worry about returning any cheap-o plasticware. I think the foil pans are self-explanatory.
              

Now for some recipes:

Yummy! Alfredo Spinach Pizza

Everybody likes pizza!
This one looks so delicious I want to eat it TONIGHT. Chicken, bacon, and spinach, with alfredo sauce. I like when there are veggies in the main part of a meal. Makes me feel better as a mom 🙂  FWIW, if I were doing this for a family with older kids too, I would include a regular pepperoni pizza with tomato sauce, or a ham and pineapple, or BBQ chicken pizza with onions and peppers. I am making this alfredo pizza in two week for our newest new mom. I can’t wait to see how it turns out. The dinner will include a pasta salad with tomatoes and cukes in it, and a brownie or blondie dessert. This mom is a nutritionist, and has had dietary restrictions throughout her pregnancy, that she no longer has to worry about, so we are all spoiling her on carbs and sweets. Too bad my family has to eat the same thing that night [sarcasm font]!

More yummy, easy, shareable pizzas:

Margherita Pizza

Chicken Club Pizza

Sausage and Broccoli Stromboli

No-Meat Stromboli

…AAAAAaaand DESSERT!

Okay, now I’m hungry.
Bon Apetit!
Wifey

Caring Meals- Intro

Belonging to a mom’s group has been a huge blessing to me. And I do NOT throw that word around lightly. At all. I have [finally] made friends, Tike has buddies and social skills, and I have a community of women (and their families) that are willing to help out anytime, even if we are not specifically close in the grand scheme of the group. For example, Hubby, Tike and I moved when I was about 12 weeks pregnant or so. This meant Hubby was pretty much on his own (his always very helpful parents were taking care of a property they own about 8 hours away, which would have fallen into a river had they not gone down. So, no help there, and no hard feelings) to move anything over 25 pounds. I asked for help from two women at one of our meetings on a Tuesday, and that Saturday they arrived with their hubbies and work gloves. I had asked for help moving the big items (beds, sofa, etc.). Well in half a day’s time, they had moved all that and everything else left in our house, even though I hadn’t been able to pack it all myself yet.

The moms group I belong to is part of this national organization

Another area in which our group excels at rallying and pitching in is when someone has been in the hospital (usually to deliver a baby, but not always). As you may remember, this is an arrangement I will personally appreciate in a couple more months. We set up a tri-weekly meal delivery (regular baby-delivering circumstances usually call for a month, in case you were curious) through a free website (in our case we use http://www.caringmeals.com). About two months ago, one of our moms had a baby, and we did what we do. Our website allows for us to list what food we are bringing, so I try to make sure not to duplicate too closely something someone else is bringing in the same week. I can’t imagine a worse week for dinner than endless pots of spaghetti and some lasagna, green salads with all. That may just be because I am not a fan of tomato sauce.

My stand-by was baked chicken zitti, with parmesan bread and spinach salad, cookies for dessert. Last month, I hit a snafu. Someone had signed up on the website on behalf of two other parties (my guess is a couple of sweet old church ladies with no concept of Interwebz), so had to put in what she was told they were bringing. Of course I discovered this issue on the day I was bringing dinner, as it was baking away in the oven. And the issue was this: Spaghetti/green salad, chicken bake/green salad, lasagna/green beans, baked zitti/spinach salad, spaghetti/green salad. I felt so bad. Since then I have been on the look out for new “stand-by” ideas, and let me tell you they are NOT easy to come by.

First of all, what are they called? How do you Google it? Caring Meals, Blessing meals, Meals for others…? Secondly, trying to look it up on recipe websites, the best category I could come up with was “portable” or “potluck” if the site had such listings, or “picnic” and “entertaining” if not.  Finally, the meals have to be easy to shop for and cook (since I am doing two batches of everything, as our family eats the same menu on a caring meals night with perhaps a few tweaks), not to mention easy to transport (bless those brave women who make soup and drive it around the foothills here where we live! I am too klutzy for that), relatively universal in their appeal (spaghetti and lasagna are so popular because pretty much everyone loves it), and unique enough not to be repeated the next day.

I have decided I am going to randomly blog about good recipe ideas for caring meals, plus any other tips and tidbits I stumble upon on the search (like what else they are CALLED!! yay for additional search terms). As if my blogs aren’t random enough.

Peace out (til later today)
-Wifey